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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
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12:08 am - This is great.
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| bonovoxlvx's LJ stalker is aniceschwander! | | aniceschwander is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also getting with your significant other! |
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| Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
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6:41 pm - TruthandHope.Org
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TruthandHope.org is a 527 group formed to take the fight directly to the party establishment in order to challenge its resistance to change. Our mission is to bring those in the movement together to form a cohesive voting block in order to influence not only the Presidential election, but also, all local and state elections throughout the country. We seek to develop and run advertising campaigns pushing the direct unflinching messages of truth about the mainly ‘flip/flop’ candidates of the Democratic party, and the messages of hope that Governor Dean brings with his plans to rebuild our party and our country.
Anyone following the campaign over the last year, will note that Governor Dean’s message, which is backed by legions of passionate supporters, has also now become the message of the establishment candidates. This is nowhere more obvious than in that of their anointed ‘front runner’ Senator Kerry. This shows our power. We can do more than just vote and influence voters. As a consolidated block, we can influence not only the nomination for our candidate but the party platform and in turn national dialogue and debate.
This is an opportunity for those who wish to give more to and for the cause, but who have already allocated their maximum $2000 contribution. This is an opportunity to locate and support businesses and services, which are sympathetic to our cause. We can use our collective purchasing power to support business owners who support us and to publicise the plain, spoken truths of all of the candidate’s records. By doing it in this way, we need not fear that Governor Dean’s campaign will be branded and smeared with the phrase ‘negative attack.’
Please visit our site @ www.truthandhope.org
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| Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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3:21 pm - Website
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Finally the website is live.
www.truthandhope.org
It seems the fight will have to be for the nomination, rather the general election. How unfortunate it is that we resist change so intensely, even positive change.
Back to work!
current mood:  energetic
current music: Hunters & Collectors - When the River Runs Dry
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| Saturday, January 24th, 2004
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10:39 pm - Truth & Hope VS The Media
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Iowa was an amazing experience. Were it not for being so behind with other concerns, as well as the apparent overflow of volunteers, I would have made it to New Hampshire as well. Perhaps I will detail the trip at some point, but I'll just be brief here. I was pleasantly surprised to have the opportunity to see Governor Dean at a rally. It was quite fun to go door to door sharing a message of truth & hope with the citizens of Iowa. There is something special about knowing that you are fighting or working for something good & true, without reward beyond that. It was inspiring to see all the stormers around Iowa in their orange caps, Americans traveling on their own dime to try and take their country back, an oasis in this desert of cynicism. I was also able to observe a caucus, which was quite the fascinating experience. Alas, things did not go well.
I was in a reception with other Dean supporters, all quite down, after the surprising 3rd place draw. We all hoped that Gov. Dean would not try to put a lame spin on things, as so many others do. The speech he gave, the chanting of states we will go to & the rally cry had everyone up & cheering, spirits restored. I have never witnessed such a shame, such an absolute crime as the warping & twisting of that moment by the media, to try & destroy his campaign. It shows clearer than anything how strong the forces against change are. Republicans have tried to paint Dr. Dean as the ideal opponent, only because they fear him most. It is pure ignorance to buy into the notion that the Republicans would show their hand, or that they would rather face someone who has backed all of President Bush's programs & policies (all the other major candidates) rather than one who offers a clear choice. Howard Dean is bringing new enthusiastic voters to the table. He would defeat Bush & his lies, and change the agenda of the Democratic party, which as of now is very hard to distinguish from the Republican party in deed, if not rhetoric.
Governor Dean received generally good press, save from Fox, until an interview with Chris Matthews. During that interview when pressed, he stated that he would break up the large media companies & not reverse any laws that allowed them to own stations across the country to control the flow of information. This is a topic that the other candidates would not dare. This is a true example of standing up to special interests. This was the last time he received any good press. Even CNN & MSNBC, have slammed him since, being large media conglomerates with aspirations of growth themselves. CNN has contributed $200,000 to the Kerry campaign. The messages have been passed from on high. Notice how even the 'right' leaning commentators on CNN or MSNBC will not say a bad word about Kerry now, grudgingly admitting that they will support Bush, but that Kerry is the toughest opponent. Bull, Kerry is Dole revisited. An old hack who is dragged out to be bludgeoned by the incumbents juggernaut, since he inspires no one & offers nothing new.
On caucus night the returns were listed as: 'Sen. Kerry, Sen. Edwards, Howard Dean, Rep. Gephardt, Rep. Kucinich.' They would not give him his title. Then when issues were tracked, for example those who said the economy was the most important issue, a pie chart was pulled out which read: 'Kerry 35%, Edwards 28%, Gephardt 6%, OTHER! 31%/' This subconsciously effects the viewer. They are led to believe that Governor Dean has no title, and that he has no greater standing than Kucinich, Sharpton & the like being grouped with 'OTHER!'
I know a handful of people, and have heard others on the radio whom are fully aware of the corruption in the Bush Administration, it's collusion with the media & the apathy of the Democratic leadership. Despite this, they have rolled over & chosen to go out as practically slaves, allowing cynicism & self-interest to blind them to the fact that we have at last a candidate, a libertarian who has broken through the party lines & could offer real change, isn't stuck at 1% like Kucinich unfortunately is, could actually win this thing, if we all did our best. The alternative is to sit at home in the comfort zone & like an intellectual snob point out all that is wrong, but like a dutiful servant sit idly by & never try to stop it. Or just drag out the sorry excuse that the powers that be are too vast & strong to fight, so why bother. That is a poor perception, like Rome this too will fall, but only when men's courage overcomes their greed & laziness. If one is even slightly appalled at the last 3 years of the Bush Administration & the Democrats who sat did not have the courage to stand up against it, what shall the next four bring, when there is no re-election to plan for? What liberties will remain? I for one shall not let this last glimmer of hope go without a fight.
WWW.TRUTHANDHOPE.ORG
WWW.DEANFORAMERICA.COM
On a lighter note, as synchronicity would have it, I met an author & former Clinton Administration member, who was out stumping for Dean as well. He looked over me flyer I had slapped together promoting the organization & said I should develop it into a book, as my particular insight into the conservative mind & lifestyle is worth telling. Now that I have returned, I shall endeavor to post the website asap. Now if only I could go without sleep entirely! Onward to New Mexico & Arizona!
current music: Hunters & Collectors - Holy Grail
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| Friday, January 16th, 2004
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3:01 pm - You can't go home again...But you can go to Iowa!
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I have been reflecting on my time with Natasha here in the states, during what little moments of free time I have. I am very happy that she met Lyvia, and we spent some time with my best friend Amy & her boyfriend. I have moved back to where I grew up for a few reasons, namely I wanted a pool & my money to go further. However, I also felt drawn, as issues from my past confronted me, particularly with my dad. Also, it is sort of an exercise in humility for me to say Riverside, rather than Irvine. I still cringe & want to lie about it, which clearly indicates that a good amount of the superficial is yet to be cleansed. I must admit that I had a romantic notion of seeing old friends, or things being somewhat as they were when I was younger. Silly nostalgia. Natasha & I spent more time in Orange County than here, for I felt it to be more comfortable & certainly more warm & inviting. Hmmm...I can't imagine much worse I could say than that Orange County was a warmer & inviting environment than fill in the blank. I recall now that I had felt this is where people go (or stay) to die. Time has stopped, progress halted, cynicism has stepped in & with a good mix of apathy created a new world just over the hills from Irvine. Occasionally talks or visual stimuli would trigger a story, while Natasha was here, which would sometimes prompt a 'do you see so and so often?' The most oft used response was 'No, they ran off with their girlfriend, or are holed up with them, not allowed to come out,' and how I cannot imagine being so subservient in a relationship, nor why someone would want such a partner anyway. Then again, I did run off to Orange County in the first place with a girlfriend, so maybe it's just a full cycle. At least I still came & went by my own choice and NEVER EVER have I had a girlfriend who called incessantly to check up on me, or that I had to practically beg to go out & do what I wanted. Ugh, I can hear the chants of 'sacrifice' and 'compromise.' Absurd. A true partnership does not require that one partner has to give up any of themself to please the other. If such is present than one level of dependence or another is all that is going on.
Funny, I must have listened to too many Howard Dean speeches lately! I was not intending to go on a rant, but it seems everything comes out passionately these days. I am not apologetic about it however. Far better to be passionate about everything, than about nothing, under the sorry guise of maturity & responsibility.
Anyhow, after hearing the polling data last night, I booked my flight to Iowa! This campaign as life needs to be about doing, rather than saying. I will arrive in Des Moines on Sunday morning the 18th. From there I will immediately drive to Cedar Rapids to campaign for Dean. My Dad was born & raised in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. 3 years ago he died on January 18. I don't know what it means, other than coincidence, but I have been making a concerted effort to face the ugliness of emotion that I have held in since childhood toward him. This could be a cathartic experience. It should be a beginning on a couple of fronts. How ironic, that I will be campaigning in his hometown for a Democrat. I cannot imagine anything that would please him more.
WWW.TRUTHANDHOPE.ORG
current mood: busy
current music: Midnight Oil - Warakurna
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| Thursday, January 15th, 2004
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7:55 pm - Absurd and Disappointing
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Michael Moore is endorsing Wesley Clark, claiming he is the "...best hope we have of defeating George W. Bush." This is such an old, overused & just plain wrong notion. I am extremely disappointed in folks who throw their support behind someone who they feel has the best chance to win, rather than someone with clear & different ideas. Wesley Clark is now, and always has been the Democrats Arnold Schwarzenegger. He joined the race with such fanfare, painted as a Democrat who could stand against the President on foreign policy, a shining star in a weak field, expecting to be granted the nomination without having to take a stand on any issues. To this day he is a smiling puppet head, being secretly backed by the Clinton's & their Hollywood friends. Beating George Bush is the most important crossroads this country has faced in it's young existence. However, to replace him with someone who is not even certain of his own identity (he has spent his career as a near Republican & even praised the President, until his own notions of power began to grow) and is clearly the choice of the establishment will avail us nothing. We need strong change, and that will not be found by swapping the Republican establishment darling for the Democratic establishment darling. Has no one figured out that their is little fundamental change in our nations direction when we elect such insiders or their puppets. Only when an outsider captures the imagination of the young, the unmotivated, those who had given up hope in the system, do we see any actual change in our direction. Howard Dean is our only chance for real change. I absolutely reject the idea that he cannot win. Considering his 2% early polling numbers, the army of fervent supporters behind him which is predominately made up of those who have not voted previously, the youth, and former republicans who are fed up, along with the most important fact which is that Howard Dean is the only candidate to have consistently taken strong positions of opposition to George Bush, regardless of what the polls said. With Saddam Hussein captured, a strengthening economy, a fake medicare prescription bill being passed & plans for Iraq to be handed it's power back 3 months before the election, how in hell can anyone in their right mind say that any of the candidates who have supported Bush & his war & his programs will stand a chance against him? Why would the country make a change so slight, when it is feeling generally positive? Only a clear and obviously different choice has a chance of winning. Only a candidate with the passion & will to stand in a debating forum, pound the podium & speak the truth has a chance to win. Howard Dean is the only candidate who can possibly defeat George W. Bush in this election cycle. Howard Dean is the only candidate whose election can make a real difference in America.
As for Michael Moore, perhaps he really believes that winning at all is better than winning with substance. Perhaps it is too much to expect that although he is clearly well thought in many aspects of politics, that he will consistently be on the right side of things. It is unfortunate that he would back the 'pretty' or 'safe' candidate. I would have some modicum of respect if he backed ANY of the others who have taken some sort of political stand, albeit most often with the President or the polls. All support for Wesley Clark is based on the same foundation as Arnold Schwarzenegger's, a party line based win at all costs, win without substance game. Our new governor is rehashing Grey Davis' programs & ideas, but hey, he's a Republican so the ideas are suddenly good? If Wesley Clark were President, I believe he would continue with George Bush's policies, once all the smiling & promising is over, just as our Governor has with his predecessor.
WWW.TRUTHANDHOPE.ORG - In Progress, should be up in a few days, but not in time for my possible trip to Iowa. :^(
current mood:  irritated
current music: Hunters & Collectors - Blind Eye
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| Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
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11:19 pm - Until Next Time
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I have just returned from LAX.
So much for plans like keeping up my journal, writing some of my essay, pamphlet & ultimately book, designing the websites & even paying the bills. Typically I neglected such things, while Natasha was here, as her presence is too consuming & near literally takes me into another world where the present is truly all that matters. Now I am well behind, and must see if flights to Iowa this weekend will still be reasonable for the caucus. I will be inundated with work tomorrow, but for now I enjoy some wine & allow myself to arrive back at home...our home, which I am alone in for now. I'll let the tears flow when they must, and then return to 'duty' & the 'real world' as best as possible, looking forward to England in February, Canada in March & the lifetime beyond.
current mood: Solemn
current music: U2 - Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World
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| Friday, January 2nd, 2004
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8:21 pm - New Years
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Picking up Natasha, and being with her in general is wonderful beyond description, yet at the same time goes without description.
I was very surprised to see someone I recognized coming out of the immigration area of LAX, apparently on the same flight as she was...Morrissey. I felt old to see his grey hairs, larger frame, and plodding along while pushing his own luggage, as opposed to the beaming energy of entourage. Still, I felt compelled to shake his hand & say hello. Someone who was an old friend back in the days we used to figure out his flight times & meet him at the airport for a few moments was there to pick him up. Apparently they have developed a relationship. It was strange however. When I was younger this would have been a dream: the chance encounter with Morrissey & a few moments to talk, without anyone else there. However, I felt silly as soon as it begun, and was far more worried about missing Natasha's emergence, so nearly as soon as it started, I buggered out, then felt childish for even saying hello in the first place. Why would I be impulsed to do so?
I just saw Return of the King, and as has been reported by most everyone who has seen it, it is wonderful. Now I am planning to see Big Fish tomorrow or Sunday.
Natasha & I were at Stater Bros, to pick up a few things to eat, and some wood for the fire. A woman who I recognized (but forgot her name & didn't get it again) came up having recognized me. I had met her on the plane ride over to England to see Natasha the first time! What a remarkable coincidence. She does not even live here, but was visiting her sister. It would be strange enough in the first place, but to have Natasha with me at the time is even more fascinating.
Hmmm...If I wanted to get carried away, I could endeavor to figure out what all these chance encounters 'mean.'
current mood:  chipper
current music: REM - You
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| Sunday, December 28th, 2003
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11:57 pm - Iowa
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I am seriously considering going to Iowa around the 15th - 19th to campaign for Howard Dean. As each day passes, it seems more clear that his candidacy is our only chance to save the country. I read a democratic website, where some Clark supporters were complaining that Dean is actually a Libertarian. Exactly! We do not need a typical Democrat any more than a typical Republican. They are one in the same, with mildy different appearances. Was Clinton not quite right-winged in is policies? Has Bush not increased our Government's size, added new programs, run in deficit? We need an outsider, a libertarian, a populist. It's the only hope for real change.
Also, my father was from Iowa, and we lived there for a year in 1979. I have vague memories, but if I can locate the old address...well suffice to say it could be a very cathartic experience for me in that sense as well.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Travis - Side
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| Saturday, December 27th, 2003
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11:43 pm - Father of the Year
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Lyvia has been what I would call 'more than happy' lately around me. She has always been very comfortable with things someone her age should not be, and can think & reason through issues quite remarkably. Still it seemed that she was unnaturally happy about meeting Natasha, yet I could not get her to convey anything other than how excited she was. I picked up on how out of her way she went to make me happy this last couple weeks, but could not finger what the driving force behind it was. Actually, I figured it was as simple as new surroundings, having just moved into this new place & her staying the night here. Her mother let me know that Lyvia expresses fear that my love for Natasha is replacing my love for her, and that she is going out of her way to make me happy, for fear of seeming dull & played out, when compared to Natasha's light. So many things that she said or did make more sense when seen through those eyes. When I think of how effected I was by my parents after all, I fear any slight impact negatively on my daughter's life from my misguided actions. I can't believe that I would be so blind to this, or that my baby is going through such a conflict, because of me.
current mood:  worried
current music: Travis - The Cage
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| Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
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9:03 pm - Guilty Pleasures...and Frogs
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The other day I was watching fox, probably 'The Simpsons' or 'King of the Hill'. Anyhow being too lazy to change it or put in a CD, I left it on, while I unpacked the kitchen. In the background 'The Simple Life' was playing. I overheard a couple things which caught my attention to the point that soon I was on the couch. Suffice to say, I haven't missed an episode since. The episode where they work at 'Sonic Burgers' is classic, one of the funniest things I have ever seen on television.
Yesterday evening as I fed the fish, I realized the area would support a frog or two, and looking into getting one & it's care was on my to-do list for today. A little after the rains started, I heard a strange sound from outside, quite different than the myriad of bird noises I am growing accustomed to. I went outside & listened a bit. Very clearly & distinctly I could hear 3 different frogs croaking from around the pond. Admittedly, the 'bud-wies-er' commercial ran briefly through my mind. I am very excited to have these creatures living here as well.
current mood:  amused
current music: Dido - White Flag
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| Monday, December 22nd, 2003
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10:36 pm - Quiet
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It is very quiet here at night. Lyvia stayed the night last night. She tried to get in the pool...made it to just above the knees, before the chill set in. It was lovely to see the Koi come out in droves last evening, under the moonlight. There must be about 40-50 of them in that pond.
With moving & business & such, the time has past rapidly, since Manchester. Natasha will be here in just over a week. As it is her first time to visit me in the states, and I think of the things to do & people to see, this becomes an opportunity for reflection. If I took a friend to Germany, Spain & most considerably England, I would have at least a half dozen up to fifteen people that I would like for them to meet, whom I consider very close friends, the kind which I can be open & frank with. Look you in the eye, listening, caring & sharing type friends. All of these I have met in the last year. Now, with Natasha coming to visit, I consider how this applies to the US, where I have lived my whole life. In fact, now I live in the city where I grew up & lived up through my early 20's. Who are those I can count as real friends, which I be excited for her to meet?
It is deafeningly quiet here.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: None
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| Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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2:13 am - Late
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I have been packing for the last six hours. This has been going on for a week and a half now. It doesn't look like I am getting anywhere. This is too much, I should just sell everything I have on ebay, and wander the countryside looking for a sign.
Perhaps in the morning.
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Aerosmith - Livin on the Edge
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| Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
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12:09 am - Al Gore
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If Al Gore spoke with the passion I heard tonight when he endorsed Howard Dean, during the last presidential election, he would have won without controversy. His speech about the patriot act, it's infringements upon civil liberties and the utter necessity of it's repeal, if we are to remain in any mild sense a constitutional republic, is overwhelmingly the most moving & important speech of this campaign season. Alas, it is unfortunate that he is not running again, with this conviction. Howard Dean has said that he will repeal the most offensive aspects of the act, which is a start. I would rather he would commit to repealing the whole thing.
In regards to Al Gore, I have heard all sorts of ideas today pertaining to his endorsement. They have ranged from positioning himself for the 2008 election (experts still think Dean can't win, does anyone else recall that argument being made against Clinton V Bush I?) to him positioning himself versus the Clinton family for control of the Democratic party. Perhaps I am naive, but recalling his disappearance, after the election & then showing up bearded, looking as if he had gone off to find enlightenment & now only appearing at select functions to deliver powerful speeches, often for free...I would like to believe that a person can change, dramatically & fundamentally. I would like to believe that a person could see wrong, and be inspired to fight against it. I personally, proudly & fervently supported President Bush II in his election campaign versus Al Gore. I still believe that if he had followed the advice Powell, instead of Cheney, we may not be having this debate. Nonetheless, upon reflection, personal growth & observation of the world in a less selfish, more open way, I have experienced great personal change. Like I said, perhaps it's naive, but I would like to believe that Al Gore has gone through a change & is casting his support, his hope with Howard Dean that he may lead us on a different path. In the end, I would rather be naive & hope, than cynical & accepting of our sad fate.
On another note, it is unfortunate, even tragic that the media is so dominated by our political & corporate masters. This is evident in how Dennis Kucinich is portrayed as a fringe, almost silly candidate. The best case is that he can stay through the whole primary season, planting seeds of ideals based on truth & real change, within the hearts & minds of those tuning in to watch the debates & such. Perhaps these seeds will bear some real fruit in the future.
As it stands, I suppose I should be happy that an outsider, my second choice is far & away the front runner.
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Dido - Here with Me
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| Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
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3:05 am - Packing Boxes
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It always amazes me how much crap I have been dragging from place to place. As I went through things this evening, I came across various items pushed various emotional buttons. I am certain that over the next couple weeks of packing & unpacking I will have various such incidents, which I welcome. Actually I expect it shall be exacerbated by the holidays & by moving back to where some memories lie. Although I anticipate it being a hard time in that regard, it is clearly time to deal with some long buried feelings, based on what I learned of myself in Manchester.
What hit me strongest tonight was the letters, pictures & cards from Janet (biological mother), many of which I did not recall I had. Her notes imploring me to travel to England to meet her, when she was going to vacation there were poignant, as I travel there often now. The travel concept had escaped me, seeming too far a bridge to cross, until I did. Now I cannot travel enough & not only does nothing in that vein intimidate me, in fact the more exotic & mysterious, the more exciting. Anyhow, Janet is a whole subject which seems to be forcing it's way to the forefront. Should I contact her? I think that in some morbid way I took pleasure in cutting her off, as she had me at birth. The catalyst for that is still strong in my mind & heart. Speaking of that, I found younger pictures of my Grandfather, which I did not recall having. It is so odd to thing how genetically I am related to this person I have never meet & assume I never will. About 5 years ago, Janet & I had been in contact regularly. I had met her already, when she flew to New Mexico for a vacation. I was with Lyvia's mother at the time & envied her large, close family with it's monthly gatherings & such. She lost both of her Grandfathers, within the first year & a half I knew her. Janet always told me wonderful things about her father, how gentle he is, etc. This is clear from his eyes in the one picture I have of him. I wanted to meet him desperately. My father's parents had died well before I was born/adopted. My mother's died when I was relatively young, soon after the one time I had a chance to really spend any time with them. I knew that Janet's parent lived in Arizona, not too far. She was quite obsessive about my getting a degree, for some reason. I tried to explain that I was an executive at a mortgage lender, and made vastly more money than most people with certificates of completion (degrees) on the wall, in fact I had stepped over 3 on my way to the position, 2 from USC, despite their 'business management' degrees. One evening she calls & says that she will be coming to Arizona soon, as her father is quite ill, possibly/probably terminal. I don't recall much of the conversation, other than the end. I finally verbalized that I would love very much to meet him. She let me know that although we had been in contact for about 3 years at that point, she had not informed her parents of this. She feared that her mother would give her grief. She made the statement that if I had a degree however, she was sure that her father would love to meet me, and her mother would be more accepting of it. That was the last time we spoke.
current mood: Sorrow/Loss
current music: Queen - Radio Ga Ga
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| Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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5:08 pm - Mortgage Business
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Sometimes I don't work, or only sporadically for a two or three months. At such times, I forget what an awful stress this business is. The income is remarkable (potentially) but folks would be shocked at how much time, energy & often emotion it can require. I am now working independently, and appreciating those little things the other employees did. I'll need to hire some help after-all it seems.
current mood:  stressed
current music: Phones Ringing Incessantly
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1:42 am - Tough Words
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I was confronted by my six year old. She said that I felt more like a friend than a real Dad. She wished I was not so focused on my trips & my girlfriend.
I told her that I was exceptionally proud of her for coming to me with her feelings, so we could share & understand, even perhaps find solutions.
I admitted that I had made some poor choices. Too often I would allow her mother to go on outings with us, for I thought it would make Lyvia happier, plus I did not want her mother feeling bad, left out or that a wedge was being driven, based on my ability to pay for certain events and such. In that I have neglected the time I could have used to get to know her more closely. Lyvia shared that she would like us to have a closer, more meaningful relationship. We agreed to take some time together & do things & learn more about each other, so that we do not miss out on this wonderful opportunity to have a close father - daughter relationship.
I am marveled & so very proud of her to have the courage to approach me with this. Also the level of development of her thoughts & feelings, and most apparent is her empathy at only six years old.
Remarkable.
current mood: thoughtful
current music: Peter Gabriel - Big Time
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12:01 am - Packing Memories
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I have been packing for the move. This evening I endeavored to pack some of the things thrown idly about, within various drawers. It is an odd mixture of things recent, recent & far past. Packing in general is a melancholy emotion for me. I enjoy change, but am conscious of finality as well. This is the leaving behind of a house I have lived in for near 3 years. It is also leaving of a county I have been in for roughly 7 years and all that that means & entails for me personally. I could wax lyrical about that subject in particular & probably will at some point.
Admittedly I have avoided the big items in the memory sense. Anything pertaining to my parents, including Janet I pushed aside for another evening. I could of course simply cram things into boxes, without looking. However that would eliminate the necessary aspect of throwing some things away, as well as the often cathartic experience of conjuring the past up, especially that which I had forgotten that I had forgotten. It was odd to find a postcard from Janet (my biological mother) from Cornwall. Her imploring me that I should travel & how nice it would be to meet me there. I was recently there with Natasha. The biggest difference being that Natasha does not require me to fulfill certain desires, expectations or psuedo-qualifications for me to be part of her life. Hm-mm, I'll have to dive into that quick hit of anger at some other point.
I came across some fun things. Old phone numbers...ah for those young days, as there were so very many of them. I expected to find an old pack of 'players' cigarettes at any moment! Old photos & correspondence from the Morrissey Apostles. I even found a few pictures of Tim, from the last performance I saw of James. It was the Palace 10 years ago or so. How odd it was to think of that, and dancing with him now.
A few more boxes full, and off to another day.
current mood:  nostalgic
current music: Peter Gabriel - Red Rain
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| Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
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12:42 am - Work Day
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I have a load of leads coming in tomorrow. This is my most expensive marketing endeavor, since going on my own. I really hope it pays off. I know that it will be a particularly stressful week, considering that I have the new leads, loans in process, as well as packing & preparing for a move.
I really should be sleeping already.
current mood:  anxious
current music: James - Space
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12:38 am - New Hampshire
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I am seriously considering this:
http://www.freestateproject.org
It is a very intriguing idea. It also makes sense to consolidate like minded peoples, considering the vastness & relative sparseness of our country. We certainly need a different approach, if we are to produce real change.
I took a look at some homes for sale. Admittedly I know nothing of the areas in particular, but one example was a beautiful (from the web pictures) 7 bedroom Victorian home, built in 1893 on an acre of land for $244,000. This is typical. The combination of like minded people, working toward a real & noble goal, as opposed to just talking about it, coupled with seeing my money go further than it does in Southern California anyway is definitely enticing.
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